Doubts

 

 

 

 

There are times I am so convinced about my faith, nothing could shake it. Then, sometimes, something comes along and the world falls apart around me. Doubts seem to happen when I least expect them.

I am in good company. John the Baptist was related to Jesus and they must have grown up together. John is the one prophesied to come before Jesus, declaring, “Prepare the way of the Lord.” He baptized Jesus. I think then he was certain Jesus was the Messiah. However, John was jailed and sentenced to death. He sent his friends to ask if Jesus really was the Messiah. Many called John the Baptist a great man of God. Now, he sat in prison, probably wondering why he wasn’t delivered. Wondering why he was going to die. Wondering if Jesus truly was the Messiah, why He didn’t come to save him. I love Jesus’ reaction- He never responded negatively to his question. He never berated his doubts. In fact, He told the men- and I think very compassionately – tell John ‘this and this.’ He wanted John to be assured. The answer was ‘Yes, Jesus is the Messiah.’

In addition to John, the children of Israel asked “Is the Lord among us or not?” (Exodus 17.7). They experienced God’s deliverance from Egypt, protection from plagues, guidance and provision along the way after deliverance, and the parting of the Red Sea. They still doubted. God still led them, protected them, provided for them, and loved them. Sometimes I have to remind myself of how God has always come through for me too.

I also relate to when Moses cried to God with doubts and frustration. Exodus 5. 22-23 tells me, “Then Moses turned again to the Lord and said, O Lord, why have You dealt evil to this people? Why did You ever send me? For since I came to Pharoah to speak in Your name, he has done evil to this people, neither have You delivered Your people at all.”

Moses knew and loved God so well he came with honest frustration and doubt. God did not rebuke Moses. He was not angry. The Bible tells us, “Then the Lord said to Moses, Now you shall see what I will do …. for …(God said) …I am the Lord … I have …established My covenant and I WILL bring you out from under the burdens … and I WILL rescue you with an outstretched arm … I WILL take you to Me … I WILL be to you a God: and you will know that it is I … and I WILL bring you into the land … I swore that I would give ….”

Sometimes we feel doubts may be met with disappointment from the Lord, but we can be encouraged that when we come with humility and honesty, God will walk with us in our doubts until our doubts are turned to faith. His love is stronger than our doubts. He is able to bear questions. He is able to understand frustrations. I have been waiting for years for miracles in the lives of the people I love. God has promised deliverance from drugs, loneliness, hopelessness, child abuse issues, and more. Sometimes I exclaim, ‘He hasn’t delivered them at all.’ I choose to continue in faith until God utters the words – ‘Now you will see what I will do.’

As I wait, I sing:

I will praise You all my life,
I will sing to You with my whole heart
I will trust in You, my Hope and my and Help
My Savior and my Faithful God
Oh Faithful God, My Faithful God
You give me life
You uphold my cause
You dry my eyes
You’re always near
You’re a faithful God.

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Memories

 

 

 

 

These are the ‘good old days!’ Every day is a chance to make new and exciting memories. I do enjoy my ‘old’ memories too, though and at times I would like to go back in time.

As I sit and look at photos of times and those I love gone by, I think how wonderful it is to have memories. We are our memories. I remember trips to the St. Joseph Peninsula in the panhandle of Florida each year. My sister would pick me up at the airport as she drove through Panama City on her way to the campgrounds. We laughed and talked and it never seemed as though a year went by. Mom and my other sister were already there waiting for us.

We carried our groceries in the cabin and then headed for the beach -over a large sand dune to our lonely umbrella on the gorgeous beaches on the Gulf of Mexico. Fearing sharks, we only swam a short distance into the ocean waters. Each night we ran to the boardwalk near the campground to catch the sunset and each morning, my early rising sisters, would enjoy the sunrise.

These memories along with other memories of shared time with family and friends have made my life the extraordinary journey that it has been. Days on the river with my brother. Trips to Key West and other places. Even time shopping with friends I have known for years and talking over lunch are treasured times. In addition to people I have shared time with are the animals that have made my life terrific. Horses, dogs, and cats have come and gone. They have loved me and I have loved them in a way that is beyond description.

I miss my little Dachshund named “Tilly” every day. She was always happy and ready to ride in the car and experience new adventures with me. Whether it was a new lake or woods we wanted to explore, or a new park, she was in. Watching her age and her time running out was heart breaking. They say we should not be sad that our time together is over, but glad that it happened. I am both, happy and sad at the same time. One day I will be the one who is missed.

I understand Albert Einstein said time travel is possible. Not sure where we are on that possibility, but I hear we are trying to send people to Mars. Sometimes, when I sit and think of treasured times, and if I could, I would time travel back and do all the wonderful things I have done in life all over again. Wouldn’t that be terrific? Maybe yes, maybe no. Going back would not allow me to make new and great memories today and I think that is exactly what I am going to do today- make some new and great memories and have fun doing so. Hope you do too.

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The Rope

 

 

 

 

Once I heard a story about a man walking down the road and happened upon a little robin lying on its back, with its feet sticking up in the air.

“Little Robin, why are you lying on your back in the middle of the road?” the man asked.
“The sky is falling, the sky is falling!” the Little Robin replied.
“But why are your feet sticking up in the air?” the man pressed.
“Because,” said the little bird, “one does what one can.”

As I laugh at the little bird thinking he could hold the sky in the sky with his little feet, I think of all the things I can do to help others in this world. It may sometimes seem as  impossible to help as holding the sky up, but I can pray, listen, talk, spend time, help them accomplish tasks, and more. Sometimes life becomes so challenging we may worry about our ability to make it through tough circumstances. Help – Divine and human-  is a welcome blessing in times of need.

My favorite author, CS Lewis, wrote in ‘A Grief Observed’ that “It does not matter what we believe until its truth or falsehood is a matter of life and death. It does not matter how strong the rope is until we need it to hold us.” It has always mattered to me that the God I love and believe in is the Living God and the Way to Heaven and real Life and is able to help at all times and in all circumstances. We have His Word on it.

The Bible tells me, “Yet amid all these things, we are more than conquerors and gain a surpassing victory through Him Who loves us.” Romans 8.37

It’s funny to me that I have not heard many sermons taught from Job. Most talk about his sustaining faith under suffering. Some quote he was a ‘righteous man.’ (1.8) Some quote the profound utterances he made, such as “my Redeemer knows the way I take and when He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold.” (23.10) and “though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.” (13.13) And my favorite is how I am reminded ‘God restored double to him after his suffering.’ (42.10)

I truly love all these references to faith under heartbreaking and profound suffering.
I only wonder why many omit what I consider the ‘meat’ of this book. I see Job as a suffering and sometimes angry man.
Let me add some sample quotes:
“my spirit is broken, my days are spent..the grave is ready for me..” 17.1
“my complaint is bitter..” 23.2
“..but my eye pours out tears to God…” 16.20
“let me alone, so I may speak: and let come on me what may” 13.13
“I am weary of life and loathe it!” 10.1-22
“why did You bring me forth out of the womb?” 10.18
“why do You hide Your face…as if I were Your enemy.” 13.24
‘(is it because of sin?) 13.23
“surely I wish to speak to the Almighty, and argue.. that He may explain the conflict between what I believe of Him and what I see of Him.” 13.3
“Oh, that my impatience and vexation might be..weighed and all my calamity be laid up over against the other (to see if my grief is unmanly.) For now it would be heavier than the sand of the sea..6.1-30

As I read Job, it appears to me this man is suffering to the deepest part of his being. I, like Job, aspire to say, “and He Who vouches for me is on high.” (16.19) And Job also exclaimed, “Indeed, this will turn out for my deliverance.” Job 13.16 (NIV)

I know heartache and suffering happens. God was Job’s rope and it was a matter of life and death to him if God was able to sustain him and bring him to a better place after his heartache and suffering ended. God is our Rope. He is our Deliverer. We can trust the Man Who died for us to be with us at all times and in all circumstances.

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Charcoal Fires

 

 

 

I love charcoal fires. The warmth and the crackling sounds remind me of slower times and easier days. I enjoy sitting around them talking, laughing, and sometimes singing with the sounds of frogs and insects in the background. I love roasting marshmallows and cooking over the fire. Once I was camping with a friend and we made breakfast, lunch, and dinner for three days over the coal fire. Yummy. Even thinking about the times around a charcoal fire invokes all the memories and emotions associated with those times.

There are only two times in the Bible when a charcoal fire is mentioned. The first time is in the middle of the night, when Jesus was being beaten and sentenced to death, Peter warmed himself by a charcoal fire and denied Jesus three times. (John 18.18.) Jesus knew Peter would deny Him and even told him so. Peter emphatically said he would never deny Jesus, but he did what he never wanted to do. Standing by that fire of coals, he denied he knew Him. Perhaps he was overwhelmed with the atrocity that was happening to the Savior, but when the rooster crowed, he had denied Jesus three times. Jesus not only knew the future events in Peter’s life, He knew Peter would need healing and restoration.

So, on that post resurrection morning, Jesus went to the sea where Peter and some others had gone back fishing. He built a charcoal fire on the beach and began cooking. (John 21.9) Jesus asked Peter three times if he loved Him. How the smell and warmth of those coals must have burned in his mind as he remembered those moments and the sorrow for denying the Savior. But, the Great Psychiatrist took Peter back to the painful time and memories and Peter received healing and restoration.

Jesus has walked with all of us every day of our lives. There is no event He has not witnessed or been close to us during. He knows every hurt or disappointment or painful memory that has ever happened to each of His children and He wants us to be healed. He died on a Cross and rose from the dead to heal us. The Bible tells us ‘the punishment needful for us to obtain peace was put on Him.’ (Isaiah 53.5) When a situation ‘pushes buttons’ or creates anxiety in us or causes us to have uncomfortable memories, this is a signal there is some deep hurt that needs the touch of the Savior. It is these moments Jesus takes us back to the charcoal fires in our lives to touch those painful memories and restore us to Himself.

Like Peter, life bumps us and we hurt – sometimes very deep hurts and scars.  Sometimes we fall. Sometimes we are not people we wish we were. If we do not receive the touch of the Lord, these hurts may hinder us in relationships and happiness. Jesus knows.

Jesus asked Peter three times if he loved Him- I think because Peter denied Him three times. Exasperated with shame, Peter said, “Lord you know all things, You know I love You.” Jesus did know Peter loved Him, He knows we love Him, He knows we make mistakes and need His love desperately. I say this too, “Lord, You know I love You.” I pray for all of you to love Him too.

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Micheal and His Limousine

 

 

 

 

This place in Vienna looks spectacular. What a view there must be off the side of this mountain ledge. This photo makes me think all the world is sunny and happy and majestic. There are so many breathtakingly beautiful places to visit or live. Many hold special places in people’s hearts. I have heard of Fiji, Hong Kong, Sidney, London, Paris, the Grand Canyon, and many, many more places on Earth. Sometimes it isn’t even a ‘wonder-of-the-world-type’ place that means so much to us, sometimes it’s just home with loved ones.

I think this planet is amazing. There is a place for everyone. Some like the mountains, some the ocean waters. Some like the farm life, some the big city. I have loved many places. I lived in the city when I was young and enjoyed the noise and hustle and bustle of the activities there. I also lived on a farm and when I sat on my front porch looking at my three acre front yard and watching the cars go by, I felt only God knew I was there. My brother loved the rivers in Florida and considered the Florida Keys home. As great as this Earth is, I believe heaven is lovely and great beyond imagination. My brother went to heaven. I know he dines with the King and is in Paradise. I think he has found the rivers in heaven too.

My friend Joyce had a son with cystic fibrosis. His name is Michael. Everyone prayed and prayed for Michael to be healed. Even in the midst of faith, his condition worsened. One night, in a lonely hospital room in Cleveland, Ohio, he and his mother shared his last moments. He was barely able to breath, but he sat up in bed, looked at her, and said, “Mom, Jesus is here for me in my limousine.” Young Michael always wanted to ride in a limousine. Jesus knew. With tears in her eyes, her little boy looked at her and said, “You have to let me go, Mom.” He was only twelve.

She knew, but it hurt. I know the ones that have gone before us are truly happy and would never want to return to this Earth, but the holes in our hearts are great and the tears we cry are real. Sometimes there is comfort in knowing they are waiting for us and one day we will all be together again. Sometimes it is comforting to know that There the streets are gold, there is no need for the light because Jesus is the Light, there are no more tears, no more struggles, no fear, no lack, no sickness, – it is Paradise.

Until the day we join those that have gone before us, we keep loving and caring and struggling and helping each other make it through every day.

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Exhilarate

 

 

 

Exhilarate- means to enliven, invigorate, stimulate, make merry or cheerful. I wonder what it’s like to ride along the wild currents of a river filled with twists and turns and ups and downs that would, truthfully, take my breath away- for real- and I would die.  I think of extreme sports like bungee jumping, sky diving, or hang gliding that I am also convinced I would die doing. I watch the Olympics and see down hill skiing, figure skating, cross country horseback riding, etc. Such thrilling activities that would be ‘exhilarating.’ In the end, all I do includes sledding on small hills in the neighborhood in the winter time. Pathetic really.

When I was  a young girl, I read books about horses – the Black Stallion series by Walter Farley were my favorite. I am sure reading books allows most of us to enjoy experiences we will never actually participate in. As for the horses, I actually did ride and jump and race across fields at full speed on those gorgeous creatures I have always loved. I can say, there is nothing like the real thing. Don’t get me wrong, reading is and has been lovely, but really riding has made my life terrific.

My favorite author is CS Lewis. In the movie made of him and his soon-to-be wife, Joy Gresham, there were conversations about real experience v. reading about experiences. She felt personal experience trumped reading. He asked her if reading was a waste? She thought about it and said, “No,” however, she still felt if one had to choose, real experience was more valuable than just reading about experiences of others.

That being said, I know I will never run an army mission into enemy territory, so reading someone’s account of their experience helps me enjoy the memory and times experienced. I also do not think I will visit Paris or Vienna, but enjoy reading about them and dreaming of maybe visiting one day. So, I like to do things, but also like to read about things I find interesting.

I feel that friendship is something enjoyed more in real experience than to read about famous friendships like Gayle Sayers and Brian Piccolo. Their stories inspire me to be a better friend, but I treasure the friends and relationships I enjoy. I have the greatest friends and family that have been there for the good days and the difficult days, celebrated the wins and cried with me in the losses. They talk when I need someone to listen and I find it is wonderful to be a friend to them also.  I can talk about my friends all day long, but until you meet them, they will still be strangers to you.

The Bible talks about real experience as well. In 1 John 1:1-2, it tells us  ‘….(the followers of Jesus) are writing about the Word of Life – in Him Who existed from the beginning, Whom we have heard, Whom we have seen with our own eyes, Whom we have gazed upon for ourselves and have touched with our own hands. And the Life -an aspect of His being- was revealed (made manifest, demonstrated), and we saw [as eyewitnesses] and are testifying to and declare to you the Life, the eternal Life in Him Who already existed with the Father and Who [actually] was made visible (was revealed) to us – His followers….’ 

The most exhilarating experience I have ever had is knowing the Living God. I can share experiences over and over and, the truth is, He wants all of us to have personal experience with how exhilarating He is. He is real, He is waiting, and He wants to show each of us how Great and Wonderful He truly is.

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He’s Not Heavy, He’s My Brother

I am thinking I sound like a broken record these days-all about loving the struggling ones and walking an extra mile when the ones we love need us too. I have even had ‘comments’ about the repeated content in my blog comments. Not sure how to change the record at this time. Seems to be the topic on my heart and the one God seems to keep giving me.

But, that being said, I love this photo. The image is dear to me. A picture truly is worth a thousand words, and I can think of a thousand words. In fact, I made up this little story that I think of when I look at this picture:

A little girl in Thailand cares for her younger brother. They start each day with her making him breakfast- maybe nuts and some fruit. Then, she readies him for their day. First, she helps him clean. Then she dresses him in a little yellow hat, a blue and white shirt and red and blue colored shorts. Since he is too little to walk long distances and since he doesn’t have shoes to fit his little feet, she straps him to her back and carries him.

Off to work they go. They laugh and talk as they walk down the long dirt road that takes her to the fields she works in each day. Sometimes they sing songs. She never complains, she has just accepted that this is her ‘normal’ way of doing things each day. Her deep love for her brother makes carrying him seem like no work at all.

When finished, they walk home together. She carries her green stems in her hands and, again, her little brother on her back. He tries to play with the ends of the stems. She just keeps walking. They arrive at home, where she unstraps him from her back. They share their evening meal, play some, get ready for bed, and tell each other they love each other and are so blessed and glad to have each other. They rest and start the next day doing the same things as they do most days.

Yes, I could add dialogue and the games played and the meals made. I could add where their parents are, or are not-maybe they are cared for by Grandma. I could add the weather- sometimes fair, sometimes inclement. You can also add those details. The details I capture when I see this photo is the love of a little girl for her brother. Her dedication to him and tireless work that she does at such a young age. She teaches me about love. I hope you feel it too.

Another reason I love this photo is because it reminds me of all the times Jesus carried me. I have been no stranger to seasons of need, that’s for sure.

“I could be the greatest person in the world with many talents and give to the poor and sacrifice beyond human comprehension… but if I do not have love, I am nothing….. now there is faith, hope, and love, but the greatest of these is love…”            1 Corinthians 13.

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Unnoticed by the World, Noticed by God

 

 

 

I would guess that most of us have small lives. We muddle through life mostly unnoticed by the world, but we are noticed by God. In fact, in God’s economy, the least on this Earth are the greatest in the Kingdom of God (Luke 9.48) and blessed are the poor in spirit because theirs is the Kingdom of God. (Matthew 5.3)

This is the exact opposite message of today’s world. The rich and famous make the popular list. But I know God sees us ones who feel insignificant and unnoticed – let me tell you about Louie. When I first gave my heart to Jesus, I wanted everyone to know Him. My heart was captivated by the Creator of the Universe Who came to Earth so I could know Him and have the most wonderful friendship I could have ever imagined. Jesus called me ‘friend.’ (John 15.15)

I was just a young girl, but my zeal caused me to ride my bicycle seven miles from my home to a college town to share my new found faith with several students there. I went on and on about this Jesus of mine and how wonderful He is and how He wanted their hearts too. In frustration, one man, Louie, said to me, “Where was God when I prayed to Him and I was in the gutter with no food, no home, no money, and I prayed.”

To be honest, I was speechless. What do you say to someone who really wanted help from God and prayed and came to the conclusion God let him down? I went home dejected. It seemed he won, God did not come through as hoped and Louie was not about to give his heart to a God Who could not be trusted. When I began to pray that evening, I asked God, “Where were you when Louie prayed?” As I sat quietly, God spoke to my heart and said, ‘I answered every one of Louie’s prayers.’

Stunned, I began to realize how God had done superabundantly above and beyond all that Louie had prayed or even hoped- just like He promises in Ephesians 3.20. God showed me that Louie was in this really great private college for free- he was on a football scholarship – had a roof over his head- free- and food in his tummy- free- and was accomplishing an education to take care of things as he completed his education. How good and faithful God is.

Now, it is true, an angel did not come down with a tray of food and word that there was money under the plate and keys to a hotel room….. But God did hear Louie and did answer. Louie missed it. I never saw Louie again to tell him what God showed me, but I have always prayed for God to show me how He answers us and how He has an endless supply.

The Earth is the Lord’s and fullness thereof. Psalm 24.1. He owns all the jobs and all the cars and all the houses and all the everything. It is the Father’s good pleasure to give us the Kingdom. (Luke 12.32.) He sees and hears you and your prayers for help and family and people who come into your lives in need. Continue to pray. Continue to believe. Ask for eyes to see His answers and always remember to thank Him.

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The Lion and the Lamb

As we look ahead to the New Year, many of us, or ones we love, will face many challenges. I always look to the Bible for help.

Sometimes I think many people consider Jesus and God as weak or so meek that He is not up for today’s challenges. In the Bible, Jesus is referred to as a Lion and a Lamb. Without a doubt, there is a huge contrast between the two. I must admit, my personal experience with Him has been Him as a Lamb- the Lamb of God slain for the sins of the world- but also, I have found Him a Lamb because He is always gentle and kind to me. He knows I cannot bear harshness or feelings of overwhelming condemnation for not being able to be the exact person I would like to be.

However, he has been a Lion as well. He is ferocious in wanting to protect us and our loved ones from harm and defend us in every way. I believe there is nothing He won’t do for us. Some areas of scripture make me think this as well.

For instance, this is  how God reacts when He hears us calling – “In my distress … I cried to my God for help; He heard my voice from His temple, and my cry for help came before Him, into His very ears. Then the earth shook and quaked, the foundations of the mountains trembled; they were shaken because He was indignant and angry. Smoke went up from His nostrils, … He bowed the heavens also and came down …. and He rode upon a cherub (storm) and flew; and He sped on the wings of the wind... The Lord also thundered in the heavens, and the Most High uttered His voice, hailstones and coals of fire….He reached from on high, He took me; He drew me out of many waters…..” Psalm 18.6-16.

WOW- what a reaction in the heavens by God when we cry to Him for help. I pray for all of us to have eyes to see and understand how God reacts when we think our prayers are bouncing off the ceiling -eyes opened the way Elijah’s servant’s eyes were opened so he could see that the mountain was filled with chariots surrounding the man of God to help and protect him – more with him than were against him.  2 Kings 6.17. The same is true for each of us.

We are no strangers to need. Ones we love are struggling. Some with financial worries, job needs, family alienation, addiction, poor choices, compulsive behaviors, eating disorders, anxiety, depression, and other struggles? If we could do the work ourselves, prayer would not be necessary, but we pray because we need a miracle. And miracles happen.

I am so glad God is a Lion when it comes to coming to us and the ones we love to  rescue all of us. And I am glad He is a Lamb that will be kind and gentle with us in our fragile state of human hood.

I pray for our eyes to be open to see the heart of God and how He is fighting for us and our loved ones in our struggles. I pray for us to pray. Ask and keep on asking, seek and keep on seeking, knock and keep on knocking, for the ones who ask will receive and the ones who seek will find and the ones who knock, the doors will be opened for. Matthew 7.7. God promised.

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The New Year

 

 

 

 

Here we go again, another New Year! In 1966, the year 2018 seemed like something in a science fiction movie, but here it is.

Dickens inspires me- If I talk of New Years Past, I vividly remember one New Year’s Eve in Cleveland, Ohio. While employed with the city ambulance, and transporting patients to and from the hospitals, I noticed a man pushing another man in a wheelchair in the street. He was pushing him from one tavern to another. I chuckle as I write this because I chuckled when I saw it. The site of these two pitiful men oddly enough touched my heart. The man in the wheelchair was quite large, and the man pushing was struggling- dedicated to making it to the next tavern. He chose to push the wheelchair through the streets because the sidewalks were snow covered. I remember thinking- what a friend. After their New Year’s Eve activities, I imagined the man pushing would return the man in the wheelchair to his home, help him to bed, and be done with the night. Although I have never consumed an alcoholic beverage and do not condone it – especially on New Year’s Eve, the act of friendship and camaraderie was impressive. Would I go to such lengths to help someone else?

Here is New Year’s Present. This year is filled with memories of the past year and all that has been accomplished and all that has been lost. Auld Lang Syne for sure. New employment opportunities have come my way, new books published, new friends made. Finances have been less of a struggle. Also, new adventures have happened – including a trip to my favorite Sea World. In addition to all the happy events, we lost my brother this year. This New Year’s Eve he celebrates with the King and we miss him. A mixture of sad and happy seems to be the usual agenda when it comes to memories.

And, we have New Year’s Future. Most of us are excitedly looking forward to what will happen this year? Will we have more new adventures, meet new people, experience new employment challenges, have better finances, beat that addiction, see our children prosper? I did not consider any resolutions because I never keep them, but I do want to make this a new year of opportunities to help family members and friends make it through another year with happy moments. I want to do my best to pray for the ones I love and know are having difficulties as well as share happy moments with others. This year will be another year to make memories that will last a lifetime for us and the ones we love. I am certain this year will be like all the others- some will welcome new members to the family and friend list, some will say good-bye to ones they love. Some will find new jobs or make new lives in another place. Some will marry and some will begin an educational adventure. Some may be lonely.

We all share one thing- we will all walk through the New Year. We can make it extraordinary. We can take opportunity to see the good in all those around us and make it a great year for everyone.

To friends and family- Happy New Year and God Bless us Everyone!

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